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Appearance and hygiene
Replied Apr. 13, 2008
Appearance and hygiene
Replied Apr. 13, 2008
Appearance and hygiene
4 Replies
Started this discussion. Last reply by Lisa Gattone Apr. 13, 2008.
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Thanks so much for responding so quickly. It really is frustrating not to know how to help Nicole anymore. I finally was able to speak to her new therapist yesterday to make sure that she was aware about all that had been transpiring over the past year. She seemed to indicate that she did see some of that in the notes but wouldn't reveal anything more because she said that Nicole is over 14.
I know that you mentioned that she may be dressing like she is to have everyone stay away from her. If that was the case, it wouldn't bother her if people threw things at her or said "Eew" as she walked by. It seems to be she doesn't like it when other kids are like that but she sees no desire to change how she looks. She doesn't sit with the goth kids, I think she just copies them because I am sure that if one of the hard core goths approached her she wouldn't know what to do.
Truthfully she has one or two friends that she still talks to during the summer. One I do not like, because she seems to bring out the worst attitude in Nicole. The other has been friends with her since 6th grade and has been the friend who always stuck up for her over the years.
I know this is going to be such a hard time and I can't make it easier for her. I just hate knowing that for her, its 10 times worse.
Talk to you soon.
Lisa
Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I was away at a Psychology Conference where I did a presentation on fibromyalgia (whole other topic, and, yes, I have it!)
Social relationships are the hardest part for AS people because they are just on such a different wavelength. Typically, they begin making their own friends during college (if they go, and it sure sounds like Nicole should) or when they begin work and are exposed to some people who may be a little older than them. Short of trying to get involved in some extracurricular activity, like a bowling team or if there is some social group for AS teenagers in your area (fat chance!), there really isn't a lot for you to do. It is important to remember that high school is a horrible, horrible time for the majority of adolescents (which means "time of turmoil" in Latin or Greek (I forget which). Many "regular" kids go through high school without much peer support. Does she have even one person she feels comfortable being around? If she does, then you can work on her inviting that person over after school or go to the mall, movies...you the idea.
As far as her grades dropping, she's either tired of always be the smart one in the class or she's depressed.
The wearing black and goth stuff may just be an indicator of her trying to pick a peer group that will accept her. Also, if you're goth, other kids tend to stay away from you. From my experience, goth kids are typically very bright and light-years ahead of their peers so maybe she will be able to form a connection with one of them.
Given the little hints at depression, it would probably be a good idea if she got a new therapist, someone who regularly works with teens, so that she has an avenue to express her feelings and maybe get a little guidance on where she wants to go in the future.
As unsettling as it may be, much of what you have described about her sounds like the throes of adolescent angst, and the good news is, they eventually outgrow it. This is the time when she first learning to evaluate and view herself as an "independent" person as opposed to being a child taken care of by others.
Let me know if any of this helps or feels right about her and whether or not you have any more questions!
I'm here to offer whatever help I can! Raising a child, let alone one with AS, is a big job and, from what you wrote, it certainly sounds like you've been doing a great job with Nicole! P.S. It kind of helps to think of her as Jello that hasn't quite gelled yet, but she will!
Lisa
She had been misdiagnosised since the 2nd grade. I've read books, but not enough informationo out their on those that were not diagnosised in time to teach coping skills before puberty, not enough books on Aspie teen years. So I'm looking for other's fighting the same battles to see what helps? I'm all alone in this besides having my mom and God to lean on. My husband of 4 years has zero tolerance for the Aspergers.